It happens. You run yourself ragged, and in that weakened state, you succumb to whatever vile bug is circulating at work or on your last few flights. Before you know it, your body is pleading “No más! No más!” like Roberto Duran in his humiliating defeat at the hands of Sugar Ray Leonard.
The first thing you learn when you’re home sick is just how much it sucks to be home sick. Social media is no help. You’ll either feel guilty for not being at work or pissed that life is passing you by. When you’re this beat, even reading is too much trouble.
Enter the The Surefire Sick Bed Film Festival. Now, no two people have the same taste, obviously, but the general gist is the same: Mix some classics, a few thrillers, a dash of romance, pepper in good documentaries and a helping of comedies, and you can’t go wrong. For example:
A Fish Called Wanda If I’m going to be laid up with a mystery virus kicking my bony ass, I want to keep some of this fare light. John Cleese, Kevin Kline, Michael Palin and Jamie Lee Curtis make magic in this delightful romantic comedy (also written by Cleese). Kline is unforgettable as a thief torturing Michael Palin over his beloved fish.
The Swimming Pool (1969) It starts out innocently enough. The beautiful Romy Schneider and Alain Delon are lovers relaxing poolside at a villa in St. Tropez in this moody French flick. But when her ex shows up with his nubile teenage daughter (hottie Jane Birkin) big trouble ensues.
The Guard The formula’s familiar: Fish-out-of-water cop (Don Cheedle in rural Ireland) needs help solving a mystery, and finds it in fat, boozy, whoring local cop (the brilliant Brendan Gleeson). The two have great chemistry, but ultimately, it’s Gleeson’s humanity that helps The Guard rise above most buddy movie fare. He also shines in the excellent gangster drama In Bruges.
A bit of Hitchcock They just don’t make ’em like this anymore. Two faves are North By Northwest and To Catch A Thief, both starring Cary Grant. In the former, Grant and Eva Marie Saint are stellar. And the colour of the print (all Mad Men tones and all) is as good a test as any for a home theater’s picture. Thief, while one of the Master’s fluffier offerings, is still stylish classic and a reminder of just how stunning Grace Kelly was in her day.
Bill Cunningham, New York For documentaries, I tend to gravitate to stories of passionate souls plying their craft against all odds. This one is a poignant portrait of the New York Times photographer who for decades has chronicled the fashions of the moment. We should all be this vital in our 80s. I had a moist eye at the end — I only wish he had found a lifelong companion.
Anything by Miyazaki When I’m in the mood for animation, I do what the mega talents at Pixar do: Reach for anything by Hayao Miyazaki’s Studio Ghibli. The storylines are very strong, and the animation is just as good as it gets. Princess Mononoke, an environmental cautionary tale with a fierce female heroine, is one of my favourites. Also recommended: Porco Rosso or Spirited Away.
Headhunters This very well made Norwegian thriller takes a few liberties with logic, but it’s such an exciting, well acted ride that you’ll forgive the transgressions. Game of Thrones’ Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is one bad, bad guy. Violence, tension, plus lots of clever twists.
Jiro Dreams of Sushi 85-year old Jiro (bearing an uncanny resemblance to the Grinch) is one of the best sushi chefs in the world, consistently wowing critics in his modest restaurant underneath Tokyo’s subway station. It’s his work that keeps him alive, yet you feel for his two sons, endlessly waiting in the wings for the old man to step aside. One of the best food docs ever.
Tell No One Being a guy, I’m a sucker for a good thriller and this French white knuckler will have you on the edge of your seat, er, bed. François Cluzet (The Intouchables) stars as an innocent man suspected of killing his wife. It’s fast, intense, and features some great chase scenes. No doubt Hollywood will bungle the inevitable remake.
Sound City As a music nut and audiophile, I just loved Sound City, Dave Grohl’s love letter to analogue and the seminal L.A. studio where countless groundbreaking albums were recorded on the Neve console. Great stuff. Others in this vein: Muscle Shoals and 20 Feet from Stardom.
Richard Pryor Chris Rock, Louis C.K., Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle and countless others owe a huge debt to Richard Pryor. Watching any of his concert films, it’s easy to see why. Like most comics, he was an astute observer of the human condition, but his humour also comes from a very dark place. It cuts to the bone, it resonates, and most importantly, it cracks you up. Just what the doctor ordered.
You get the idea. Of course, since we seem to be enjoying another golden age of television, you may be tempted to substitute a marathon of your favourite shows, but I prefer films.
It goes without saying that it would be better if you weren’t sick in the first place, but there are worse ways to try to slow down and recover than by making a big dent in your Netflix queue.
A little tea with honey and brandy, and you’re good to go.